The Grand Opening

Before I started writing this, I was thinking: “Hey, I’m opening a new blog. I should write something really good; like a ship, it should deserve a big, special opening: break the bottle on the hull, pour the Champagne…!”
But this blog isn’t exactly about me and my happy life; no, in this small page I want to reveal the existence and develop those regions of my mind that never see the light; dark corners and obscure regions with endless complexity and textures.
For years I have been splitting my personality, concealing this secret part of me; but there it lurks, resurfacing more and more often: it wants to breathe, to be admitted, to be respected.

I do not intend to talk about myself. Through seemingly personal matters I wish to discuss other subjects of major interest: our society, beliefs, feelings, life and death. I believe in a pattern, a small clue in the intricate maze of the human mind; a key to understanding the choices we make; who we like and why; and our persona.

Last month was my birthday. I turned 16; wasn’t much of a breakthrough, I’ve been doing pretty much what I like for some time. But I don’t know if it’s some kind of obsession or prejudice I’ve developed, but my birthdays seem to get worse every year.
I was born on a rainy day, and it has stayed like that since. Coincidences are confusing and disturbing; Saturday was a hot day, there was a clear sky and plenty of sun here in Madrid. But on Sunday morning, here came the clouds; rushing over like an expectant crowd, looking for a comfy spot to settle and pour down.
I also have noticed to have a tendency to suddenly feel lonely and furious while I’m at a party or having fun. Like a cold dagger, the emotion tears through me and I feel the urge to get away and breathe.
So, Monday 22^nd wasn’t a very good day after all. It isn’t really about the gifts, I didn’t ask for anything; I tend to think my birthday as a landmark, a spot where I stop and evaluate the current situation compared to other years. Pain can’t be measured, so the idea of last year being far worse has faded to the point that I can’t tell if I’ve made any progress at all.
For a start, should it be considered one year more o one less? On a birthday the highlight shouldn’t be all the fuss and attention, but the actual existence of the individual. It should mean a small lapse of reflection: to think of the millions of years that have passed since a chemical reaction sparked life on Earth; the evolution of our species; the moment in which you stopped being a cluster of cells and became a human being, destined to a life on this planet.
But isn’t the idea of death also grand? What lies beyond? Stars, galaxies stretch across the universe; black holes and other phenomena with impossible power slowly churn; eons of time and places where the very laws of physics are broken, where the very atoms that make the world known to us flow in a condensed and homogeneous stream of energy.
Isn’t it exciting to think that when we die we could exit this world of imperfection and doubt and plunge into that gigantic whirlpool of force?

The idea is certainly tempting, but it’s life itself that gives us the opportunity to observe and admire the universe. There will always be something new to learn and think about, there will always be diversity.
This last word is a very delicate one, after all. It turns out to be the cause of our worst excesses: we fear what’s different, the unknown. We are reluctant to change; our minds are narrow; we should embrace life’s randomness and enjoy it.

Man, with its high hopes of power and creation, has forgotten what life is really about. We try to deny our roots; we think ourselves superior when we barely differ from the rest of the animal kingdom. While we wage wars amongst each other, we fly out into the skies, hoping to touch the stars.

Life, death, the Universe – it’s all out of our control. And it’s the greed for control that haunts us, when we should let these unpredictable, inexplicable events happen without trying to manipulate them, to restrict and add boundaries; we should let these mysteries be the very seasoning of life – because, what would life be without surprises?

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~ by lunchation on October 21, 2008.